


I Can't Run To You

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Broken Heart, F/F, Falling In Love, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 22:51:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13890819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Song included is Rewrite the Stars from The Greatest Showman.Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	I Can't Run To You

Everything in her had told her to go about her daily life with no interaction because Hotch and the rest of the team would catch Doyle once and for all and then she could come home. Her heart hadn’t listened.

In the local Carrefour of all places.

“Excusez-moi, donc désolé,” she’d said. 

Without thinking, Emily, or Alyssa as she’d been for three months, replied in English. “It’s okay. Don’t worry.”

“You speak English?” She asked. “Hi, I’m Y/N.”

“I’m Alyssa,” she’d said.

Why had she replied?

You know I want you  
It’s not a secret I try to hide  
I know you want me  
So don’t keep saying our hands are tied  
You claim it’s not in the cards  
But fate is pulling you miles away  
And out of reach from me

“Alyssa, I don’t understand!” Y/N yelled. “You keep telling me this isn’t going to work out, but you won’t tell me why?” The tears in her eyes were threatening to make Emily break, but every time she tried to leave or avert her eyes Y/N would turn her back and insist on an answer. 

For weeks, they’d been going around and around like this, and today it had been hours of this. How was she supposed to tell her? How was she supposed to say that she was actually an FBI agent with a madman who wanted her and everyone she loved dead? Was she supposed to tell her that she shouldn’t have fallen in love with her? Because it was true, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it.

“I don’t know why it won’t work,” she lied, her eyes downcast in an effort to avert her gaze and not get pulled back into Y/N’s world. She didn’t deserve to be in the middle of the mess Emily was in. “I just know that it won’t. Fate is against us.”

Shaking with anger, Y/N closed her eyes against the heated tears and clenched her fists. “That doesn’t make any sense!” She yelled. “In the six months we’ve known each other, you’ve never said anything that has led me to believe that you even believe in fate. If you didn’t want a committed relationship, you should’ve said so before we exchanged numbers, or went on a date, or slept toge…”

Emily felt her heart drop again. They hadn’t just slept together. It wasn’t anything so simple. Never in her life had she been with someone in such a way that it made it feel like they were one - until Y/N. It was that night that Emily knew she was doomed; she was either going to have to give up her life back in the states, or she was going to have to break Y/N’s heart. How was she supposed to tell her about the clusterfuck that was her life?

“I don’t understand what’s pulling you away from me,” Y/N said as her lower lip trembled, tears falling from it and onto the floor. 

What if we rewrite the stars?  
Say you were made to be mine  
Nothing could keep us apart  
You’d be the one I was meant to find  
It’s up to you  
And it’s up to me  
No one can say what we get to be  
So why don’t we rewrite the stars?  
Maybe the world could be ours  
Tonight

As Emily stood in silence, Y/N tried to convince her that they were meant to be. “Alyssa, whatever it is that’s keeping you from me, we can work through it together. I want to do that. Because I want you.” She started speaking faster and faster, like the woman she loved could leave at any moment. “We don’t have families that need us. We don’t have any ties anywhere other than to each other. Nothing is standing in our way. Please, Lyss…”

Everything was standing in their way. She just had no idea. Doyle had been found and they needed her home to save Declan. By the morning she’d be gone. This was one of the hardest decisions she was ever going to make. 

You think it’s easy  
You think I don’t want to run to you  
But there are mountains  
And there are doors that we can’t walk through  
I know you’re wondering why  
Because we’re able to be  
Just you and me  
Within these walls  
But when we go outside  
You’re gonna wake up and see that it was hopeless after all

“Alyssa” was much more Emily than she should’ve admitted. Being with Y/N felt almost like her old self - her old life. When they were together, she was able to be herself. Almost. But there was nothing that could change the fact that Alyssa wasn’t who she was and this life she was leading was not her own. 

Emily’s voice started to shake as she spoke. “I’m so sorry, Y/N,” she breathed, backing her way toward the door. “You have no idea how badly I want things to be different.”

“Please just tell me,” she cried, her eyes covered with her hands as she tried to rub sense into whatever the hell was happening right now. “Is it me? Is there something I’ve said or done that’s made you think we can’t make this work?”

Emily’s eyes watered, overflowing with tears that stained her shirt a darker shade of red than the rest of her shirt. “It’s not you,” she insisted. The last thing it was, was Y/N. “It’s me. And I don’t mean that in the cliche way. I truly mean it.”

“That’s bullshit!” She yelled so loudly that Emily flinched. “If there was something going on in your life that was keeping you from me and you loved me you would tell me and we could work through it! Just admit that you never wanted this- me…”

No one can rewrite the stars  
How can you say you’ll be mine  
Everything keeps us apart  
And I’m not the one you were meant to find  
It’s not up to you  
It’s not up to me  
When everyone tells us what we can be  
How can we rewrite the stars?

Emily actually felt like her body was being ripped into pieces. “I never wanted this,” she found herself saying. She needed Y/N to move on and realize that Emily was a horrible person to get involved with. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“You’re not sorry,” she choked out. “You’re-you’re lying. This isn’t about me. You wanted us. I could tell. Y-You can’t fake that kind of reaction. That kind of soul deep feeling I know you had for me.”

As Y/N continued to talk around and around, working herself up into a frantic state, Emily felt the bile rise in her throat. “Y/N, I’m so sorry.” She reached back and grabbed the doorknob, turning it as she slung her bag over her shoulder. “I won’t ever be able to truly express how sorry I am.”

“I hate you.”

Each word stabbed at her heart, but she deserved this. “I love you, Y/N. I’m sorry.”

Before Y/N could say anything else, Emily left and closed the door behind her, running toward the street below to grab a taxi and head straight to the airport. If she looked back for even a second, her resolve would wane - and Declan needed her now more than ever.


End file.
